Chapter 8 Soar

Soar—to fly higher, to rise above

The death of a child takes much from your soul! It seems as if your soul can’t find its joy. As if colors aren’t as bright. The doozy one is the feeling that you can not breathe as if the air a big lump in your chest. It is laying there and I can feel it, but it won’t let you breathe! That feeling is terrifying.

I slowly find my way out of grief drowning days when the 8:00 am bell rings, and my students come piling into my classroom with the buzz of the morning rides to school. Or the days when Zyan wonders out loud in the car about the birds on the electric wires. Or the evenings when watching a favorite TV show with Brad. A silly Snapchat from a friend. Seeing Nollie in the mornings as I am dropping Zyan at preschool. Those Facebook memories of when the babies were still babies. I breathe in and out, overcoming that drowning feeling!

When the new year started I made a goal to remember each day to “Soar” and find what will bring joy to my soul. According to Google Soar, “Soaring also suggests exhilaration and even joy.” EVEN JOY! I have a bracelet with the word SOAR on it and wear it every day (well, ok, let’s face it, not every day, only a few weeks until I see 49!) BUT…… when I put it on it reminds me to find joy or, just as important, give joy to someone!

Music is a big part of daily life! One of my students asked me why I have to “sing” everything???? I have a pink sparkly microphone, and I am not afraid to use it! SO, I do sing many made-up tunes as I am teaching math! I told the class music brings me joy! It makes me feel better if I am sad, mad, or happy! I told them music gives memories to events in my life! Like when I hear Roll Me Away, I can see myself driving into Monument Valley with the windows down, my hair flying in the wind, and coming around a corner then seeing the beauty! So that led to a short geography lesson about somewhere glorious in America! I am currently looking for my tunes for my spring list ( take a listen to the first song I added today by The Avett Brothers it’s a good one!). Also drop me your new or old favorite tune!

Friday night on our drive home Brad and I chatted about how the grief we still experience has not gotten easier and is still as raw on day 979 as it was the day we found out Maggie had died! That feeling that you can not breathe…will it ever go away? Probably not, unfortunately, we will always carry that feeling with us until we both make it to the Promised Land! But until that day, I must pick up my pink sparkly microphone and SOAR to finding joy! Singing and dancing! I encourage you to do the same sing and dance it will do your soul good! Peace and light to you.

___La Wanda