Chapter Four: Faces Places Signs

Heather and I spent the winter and spring of 2018 planning a road trip to…….one, check a few sights off the ole bucket list, two, drive and cruise the back roads of the US and three and most importantly see the last two Dead and Company shows of the summer tour in Boulder, Colorado. If you have not been to a show…..GO!!!!!!!! It is an experience, life-changing EXPERIENCE, the people, the colors, the music, the grilled cheese, oh and John Mayer. We had a list of things we wanted to see and do. Like, soak in a hot spring, drive on parts of Highway 50, see the Milky Way in Monument Valley and just drive our speed and rejuvenate our souls. Did God know that the summer of 2018 at that time and place that I would need the biggest rejuvenation of my entire life? Yes, He did, of course, He knows all. We bought the tickets for the show and started a notebook with the details in it!! Then that Saturday the day my world was turned upside down came. In one second, one Facebook message, one phone call, and with many tears, Maggie was gone.

Have you ever thought about how one second can change the course of your life? How about how people can be apart of your life for a lifetime, a season, or a moment?

Our little notebook stopped being a part of coffee time, and my sorrow took its place. But thankfully my family knew that now more than ever I would need a peace and healing trip. So on July 12th with the Prius packed down with our camping supplies, a couple of changes of clothing, a map and our notebook Heather and I pulled out of her driveway at 7:41 am. My trip of peace and healing as I decided to title our journey…..started.

Signs Signs everywhere there were signs. We were pulling out of a parking lot in Boulder and in front of us was Abbey Road. Maggie loved the Beatles. I smiled and started to cry as Heather drove us to meet Myster E. We were staying on his property for the two nights of the shows. This place was a journey in itself, a creek with a beautiful sound, people playing music, hearts, and butterflies, another sigh from Maggie. After she died, I have continued to see butterflies almost daily. Signs! Signs! When I would go to her house after she died, to clean out her things, I would find Bobby Pins. EVERYWHERE! I would pick them up and put them in my pocket. On our way into the show with the 1000’s of people, I found a Bobby Pin. (Sidenote I am listening to the show now on Relisten!!). I just looked down, and an obnoxious laugh from Maggie rang in my ears. That show, that night, the magic that started to heal in my soul is something I can not describe in words.

But I tried in my journal that early Saturday morning and here is what I wrote: I can not sleep it is July 14@1:38 am. I really dislike Saturdays (I have up until here recently not looked forward to Saturday. Each week I would think it has been one more week since she died.) It has been seven weeks. Will I ever forget what week it HAS BEEN? Around the room are some interesting things I like this saying that hangs above the door. “I dream my painting, then paint my dream.” I saw so many beautiful sights at that show. I love watching the hippies swim dance and do a little swimming too. I watched a hippy dancing the entire show in his own world letting the music give his soul JOY! A beautiful cape that was like the Superman cape, but only better because it was a sign from Maggie. It was a butterfly. Signs! Signs!

I know that people are placed in your life “for such a time as this.” I have had so many neighbors, acquaintances, friends, and family bless my life. I have talked with people in my life for only a few minutes, and many of those people have made an impact on me. This has happened a few different times at a Dead and CO show. I took Maeleigh to her first show only 11 days after Maggie died, and I was sitting on our blanket and looked up and saw Alice in Wonderland. Maggie loved Alice, she even did Zyan’s nursery in it. I walked up to the guy, and I don’t think I will ever forget his face as I said: “I lost my daughter 11 days ago, and she loved Alice in Wonderland.” I, of course, was crying and he started to cry and hugged me. I hugged him for a second and turned and walked to the restroom. On the night of the first Dead and CO show on our trip there was a lady in front of us dancing and enjoying the magic. She was a beautiful lady with long brown hair and had a soft, gentle soul. She turned to me and said you have a hurt in you. You need to breathe and be assured you can do anything you want. She touched my hand, and I had a feeling of calm come over me. We danced and chatted as the band belted out Deal and never spoke again. So I understand that people can impact your life one second and be gone the next. We were taking in the glory of our earth at one stop and a lady was taking a picture of some flowers, and I stopped to wait until she had a perfect shot. She said, “please keep walking; you are more beautiful than those flowers.” Those people were not apart of my lifetime, but they did make a difference in my life and this journey. (Below is not the song Deal but a clip of the Saturday night magic!! You can feel the happiness, joy and fun just watching the video!!! )

Maggie was not in my life for my lifetime, but I was in hers for her lifetime. It makes me sad that I will not get to see her grow any older than twenty-one years old. That her life was short, but it was her lifetime, and I know she was a person who was there for a moment and made a difference, and she was there for the ones she loved her whole life.

I get a sign from her every day whether a butterfly, a Bobby Pin, or something Zyan says. I am thankful for those signs; sometimes, those signs help me to make it through the day. I work hard every day to be a changing difference in the lives of the people I encounter, whether it be for a moment or a lifetime.

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you are riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief, and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! -Bob Marley

Peace and light- La Wanda